apologies

Sometimes a thing gets so big that apologizing for it seems impossible!

Sometimes it takes a while to sort out what the thing even was in the first place–why you let it get so big…  
All you know is that you hurt someone badly–but you can’t even figure out quite how, or what sent you to that place.

When you know how badly you’ve hurt someone, but things have returned to some kind of equilibrium–some kind of happy medium where you’re both amicable and friendly, etc…  it can be pretty darn scary to bring up that hurt…  The idea of apologizing can be even more daunting…  because you never know!  the person you hurt may still be–under all that calm and happy equilibrium–very hurt and angry.  Bringing up the offense may incite their anger and awaken the pain and rage that you may well ‘deserve’.

In this case, our detente is rightfully attributed to a genuine forgiveness and compassion that God brought alive in my heart for you.

But you couldn’t possibly have known that–and that’s why I am so incredibly blessed and awed by the courage it took for you to bring it up so that you could apologize.  that kind of humility is truly Godly, and that kind of courage is so Christlike!

Jesus was extraordinarily courageous!  He defied cultural, spiritual, gender, sociological boundaries and talked to, and loved and forgave and healed people from all walks of life!  He faced down the evils of this earth knowing full well that it WOULD incite anger and rage to the point of bringing Him to a brutal crucifixion…. but it was right and it was loving and it was what needed to be done, so He did it.

And you followed him in that demeanor in choosing to apologize that day.  Thank you!

May you find yourself ever surrounded by His spirit as you walk in courage and humility.  May your courage and humility be blessed and returned to you with safety and love, and may you find His redemptive and restorative love at work in your life daily!

Thank you for showing me that picture of Christlike humility and courage!  

socks

God calls us to love each other.  He never promises that living that out is going to be easy.  

In fact, he talks a lot about this thing called sacrificial love!  a love that is hard.  a love that is lived out at great cost to yourself.

I think loving us probably always comes at great cost for God.  
First of all, there’s the obvious cost of Jesus absolutely terrible death all for love of us.  Then there’s the less obvious cost of Jesus coming to this earth in the first place–giving up the peace, glory, rapture, riches, and intimacy of heaven to walk our broken earth in broken flesh-becoming one of us…. reaching down to our level to love people who keep on forgetting about anything outside of themselves… to selflessly pour himself out for people who perpetually live selfishness as their primary disposition and orientation towards the co-operative creation that He made for them in the first place.  People who vandalize the created order repeatedly during the day, sometimes consciously, but in nearly infinite ways that we don’t even have a clue that we’re doing!

And then there’s the choice to love and be in relationship with us at all…  a choice that guarantees being betrayed, mistreated, even despised—choosing to have your heart broken on a daily basis and to forgive over and over and over.

So, my young friend–I want you to know how incredibly cool it was for me to see you loving my daughter in that sacrificial way.  Being that invested and spending that kind of time with a 3 year old can be hard for a lot of people, and playing on her level for so long… helping her with her socks, and all the little things which she couldn’t do for herself…  Those are all even harder for someone your age–generally speaking.  I was so impressed with you today!  

I’m not sure if you have a clue about the way you were following Christ today–following His example of humbling yourself to be on her level, while still retaining who you are (which includes being more capable and more emotionally together, etc) so that you play like a three-year old and assist her like a 20 year old.  

but that is who you are, my young friend.  You are a young man with a beautiful compassionate streak, a protective loyalty for your friends, and a helpful spirit.

I pray today that as you grow, entering double digits, exploring how to be who you are with integrity, that you will know in a deeply experiential way that same tenderness and reaching down to your level–while still being entirely available for you to lean on Him from your beloved Jesus!  May you always know He is faithful, delight in Him, revel in Him, and lean on Him.

May the grace and compassion, helpfulness and indiscriminate love that you showed today be the norm for what you experience in your relationships.

Thank you, for showing me this picture of sacrificial love today.  I know there are tonnes of things that may have been more fun for you to do today.  I know how much easier it would have been for you to do less with my daughter, or leave her and run off to do your own thing, or ignore her need for socks, etc etc.  But you gave of yourself to be what she needed… over and over.  so Thank you.  you are such a wonderful kid!

offensive love

I’m not talking about the sickeningly sweet couple who giggles at eachother and licks whipped cream off of eachother’s noses, or the couple who can’t keep their hands out of eachother’s back pockets nor tongues out of eachother’s throats.

Although I could–because they have a lot to show us about love too…. so maybe I’ll take a mental not of that.

but I’m talking about the kind of love that is legitimately kind.  that isn’t proud, rude, self-seeking, doesn’t keep records of wrongs, protects, HOPES, and trusts, doesn’t judge and isn’t easily angered.

The kind that I saw demonstrated the other day.

The kind that sees someone begging for money, and gives what money he has on him.  In the meantime, drivers in neighbouring cars literally turned up their noses in disgust that he had given money to this vagrant who, “probably only wanted the money for drugs or booze anyways”

Indeed–your choice to love this homeless person in a simple way offended those around you.  But you didn’t just give him the change you had on you–you asked how he was doing today, and if there was anything more he wanted that you could help him with.

And now that I’m telling the world about what you did, there will be myriads more who are offended by your choice to love.  There will be those who believe he was underserving of your life, because “he must have brought it on himself”  (see my recent post on mercy)
There will be those who have a passion for social justice who see your actions as well-intentioned, but misguided and thus enabling him and worsening the societal problems at large.  
There will be those who are not at all passionate about social justice, but have simply rationalized their choice to look the other way by telling themselves that anything they give any homeless person will just be used for drugs and booze.

But the reality is– you gave because you see a human being who has been hurt and broken enough by life to stand in the cold and in the rain and beg for the mercy of humanity to sustain you.

and yeah… maybe he was on drugs.  maybe he was ‘jonesing’  maybe he was collecting money for another hit, or another bottle.  and maybe the money you gave him will be what it takes for him to get another drink that will numb the pain enough for him to be able to bear the demons that first drove him to drink in the first place.  

and maybe the money will buy a loaf of bread and he’ll bring it home to his children.

Or maybe it will help him to buy bus fare to get to his brother’s house a few cities away…

but at the end of the day….
We don’t know, and it’s not ours to judge.  In that moment, when you don’t have the time to do much more, you had a choice.  You could either ignore him entirely, or demonstrate Christ’s love for him– a love that meets each of us where we are at–and doesn’t demand change first, but loves *first*.

I’m not going to pretend that enabling isn’t a real thing–of course, it is…  But I’m saying that the choice to love with no strings attached is very Christlike… and very countercultural– it takes humility, and courage, and compassion.  And I loved seeing you make that choice.  I love your kindness.

Is this the final solution to homelessness and poverty in our society?  of course not!  There is a great deal more needed!  and I know you probably know that.  
But this post isn’t about homelessness, or social justice programs, or the alternatives to “handouts”.  Those are all important things too.

But you saw a person whose dignity has been all but entirely lost–however that may have come to be, and you have given them what you had–kindness-the dignity of looking into their eyes–talking to them, and the dignity of trusting them to spend the money you hand out to them how they see fit.

Your love and compassion is beautiful.

And what you may not have had the opportunity to see is that a driver behind you rolled her eyes at you.  Then her son in the backseat pointed at you and presumably asked what was going on… and then she drummed her fingers on her steering wheel for a moment–and then reached out and offered the individual something as well.

Your love and compassion was infectious.  Your love and compassion inspired a disposition of kindness and grace in another.

May you find yourself loved and extended kindness to you when you most need it, and may love and compassion overflow into your life!

honesty

You weren’t the only person, today, through whom this concept came to settle into my heart–to draw me into rumination.  But it was the most poignant…

I saw it in a movie… heard it echoed in your words, and the words of others, chewed on it in reflection of my week…

We–as humans… are drawn so irresistibly to raw, honest, vulnerable truth.  We don’t even have to know someone or care about them in the least to be eager to hear their innermost secrets.  whether this is about a need to feel important–that we are the privileged elite who know the secrets of an individual…  or an insatiable curiosity, or the longing to understand ourselves by examining our own reflected image in the humanity around us, as we seek to come to grips with why we are who we are but looking at why you are who you are…

and yet that kind of raw, vulnerable honesty is so rare.  because–it’s vulnerable.

Because as we seek to understand ourselves, we analyze before we hear.  If we’re scared of your honesty, we will find a way to distance ourselves from what you’ve said, and judge and dismiss you.   If we like what you’ve said, we’ll seek to identify with it so much that your story may be taken away from you as we try it on for size and stretch it and bend it to fit our own experience.

but sometimes we listen.  and sometimes we can really truly share–and it makes it all worth it!

But why does it seem that it so consistently takes a place of extreme brokenness to draw us to the place of honesty–almost as a last act of desperation?  It seems the healthiest people I know have honesty among close friends, accountability, encouragement, support, healing, love, grace…  honesty it seems is the mortar in the construction of community.  But honesty needs to dance intimately with safety.  

We know that in Christ, we have nothing to hide.  His light exposes all things… the beautiful, the painful, the ugly, and the delightful…  your honesty is a beautiful reflection of the Kingdom that is coming–and is in fact here… growing already.  Your honesty is a piece of the building of that Kingdom on earth!  The Kingdom where “true worshipers who are simply and honestly themselves before Him in worship” will dance, sing, and glory in truth, in light—worship honestly.  (John 4)

Thank you for leading out in honesty and vulnerability.  I want so badly for you to know that you’re not alone.  you are not left behind. 

It is my prayer for you tonight that you find the truth of the safety that your heart can find in the shadow of the wing of our God!  (how’s that for mixing metaphors…  the shadow of a wing that actually casts light… )
But really…
Safe–drawn into the one who already sees and knows all–who delights in you exploring truth… holds your heart and your hands, tenderly equips you to face all truth, and guides you beyond the fragments of truth you grasp into the deep epiphanies of His Truth!

May those epiphanies and revelations astound your spirit and awaken your soul to the glory-life, the resurrection-life… the life lived with Him, delighting in you, and as you walk in integrity and in truth, may you be blessed with people along the way who return that integrity, who offer a safe place, and who do not deceive you!

Night

Tonight, my darling child cried out my name in her sleep.  Her cry was followed my silence, so I crept to her side, where I found her trembling in a bad dream of some sort.

I gently pulled the covers up and rubbed her arm, stroked her hair, and rubber her back as I prayed for peace on her.  As soon as my hands touched her, the trembling stopped, and she snuggled in, and a smile crossed her lips.

And I was instantly struck with the thought…

How often have I cried out in the night for God?  not necessarily the night as it refers to the turning of the earth, but seasons of darkness, longing, loneliness, depression, angst, anguish, guilt, oppression, fear, sickness, pain, loss, grief… whatever it may be… and He has come, completely unbeknownst to me, and comforted me?  

My child slept on, unaware that I had ever been at her side, but not unaffected by my presence.

how often don’t I ‘sleep on’ entirely unaware of the miraculous healing, grace, and kindness God is pouring into my soul, surrounding me with His Spirit.

So..
God…
for all the times that you’ve been there and I haven’t noticed… like… every breath that i take..

Thank you.

Invested Lover

the other night I was compelled to worship, and every song in my heart was intimately connected to the name; “Jesus”.

This stirred me into an incredible conversation with my beloved, where I mused…
How is it that the name Jesus—no matter where I am in my life, is so deeply intimate, and powerful!?  That even if I haven’t been that invested in the relationship, He is so invested in me, that the mere mention of His name still stirs a deep place within me and enraptures me in the deep joy of intimacy!?

Wow!  even when I am not invested in the relationship anywhere near as much as I could be… He is so invested in me, that the mere mention of His name brings such a stirring–and such an intimacy.

That.  is love written indelibly!

Encouraged

So my Sabbath turned into 3 days…  and I’m making no promises to catch up. :S

But here we go!

I’ll admit it.  At first I was a little wary when you addressed my daughter.  I was ready to jump in with my big Mama-bear suit on and tell you to step off.  (as politely as possible of course)  But it didn’t take me too long to realize that you were offering me an ally.

As you asked my daughter, “Why are you YELLING?” in an exaggerated aghast tone, the words, “it takes a village” raced through my mind.  I paused to watch how my daughter would respond to you.  She ceased her assertion that she “needed” the bundle of lollipops that she had found by the til and came to my leg very calmly, while looking at you. Relieved that her encounter with you was ‘over’, and I wouldn’t have to intervene, I thanked her for coming to me. Which was all the invitation she needed to take up her chant about lollipops again, this time with hitting.

Internally, I rolled my eyes and thought, “hooboy… now’s where the grocery store expects me to ‘put my kid in line’ and maybe smack her back, and where everyone is going to judge me for my gentle response.

Nevertheless, I knelt down and caught her hands and reminded her that God gave us our hands to bless and not to hurt, and that I was sorry, but lollipops were not an option.
Then I proceeded to pay for the treat we HAD stopped at the grocery store to buy, and as I did,  and my daughter’s complaining continued, you engaged again.  As I heard your voice, I thought surely you were judging my inefficient parenting and were about to ‘right my wrong’, but in fact, you were tag-teaming with what I’d done, asking my daughter if she was going to put away her childsized buggy we’d been using.

As I finished up the transaction, I remarked with a sigh, (more to myself than anyone) and this is why I hate grocery stores!”

the cashier responded with empathy, and then you said this beautiful piece of encouragement, about what a good job you felt I was doing, and how hard it is to say ‘no’ to our little ones, and how strong I must be.

So thank you…
Thank you for not judging… or anyways, not condemning my parenting style
You can’t possibly know how badly I needed that encouragement.   On a day where I felt like a failure not only as a parent, but as a human being, to have ANY kind of encouragement, but specific, glowing and lenghty encouragement, from a source where I was expecting the opposite was a monstrous blessing!

I know how hard it can be to step into someone else parent-child interaction in the first place… after all, Mama-bears often WILL feel like your first engagement was a statement about their failure as parents and make it clear, sometimes with disdain, sometimes more tactfully, that “they’ve got this”.

so it takes guts to engage in the first place.
Seems to me most people only find those guts when their righteous indignation that they can parent better than the actual parent takes over.

Yours came from the place of seeing a worn out Mama who needed backup.  

And I never really thanked you.  I never responded one way or the other to your comments to my daughter… so you probably really DIDN’T know how I was feeling about it all.

So to continue on with the courage to bless me with your encouragement…
Thank you.

May you also be blessed with encouragement from an unlikely source when you most need it, and may you know, somewhere in your spirit, that this is a tender touch from a God who loves you and wants you to know that He cares!

Mercy

“what goes around comes around”

“he brought this on himself”

etc.

The other day I was having a conversation with God, and I caught myself–or rather He pointed out– MULTIPLE times, defining God with human parametres.  It started out simply enough.  I was praying for someone whose illness could be considered a result of their own choices.  I was praying from a place of sincerity and earnest desire, and suddenly I started interrupting myself and cutting God off.  

Have you ever done that?  When you’re making a request of someone that you know might be a “stretch” you just start qualifying and pre-emptively defending what would give you the audacity to ask in the first place, lest they reject your request and or exclaim about your gall?

So I basically started doing that.  “I know they maybe brought this on themselves etc etc… but”

And right there, in that statement God showed me the limited view of Him I was demonstrating.

first of all, who suggested that this request was a ‘stretch’ !?  that I should need to cut Him off and start defending my request!?  

To Whom am I praying, after all!?  that this request might be too big for Him!?  seriously?  

by the way, God was a lot more gentle–I’m just a little appalled at myself!

second, the mindset I was in, I was suggesting not that some kind of justice needed to play out, but that God, perhaps, wasn’t interested on ‘wasting’ a miracle on someone who may have ‘earned’ their illness.

Where did the notion come from that God’s miracles come in limited supply?!?  That He’s not going to dole out healing or the miraculous lest it be ‘wasted’!?   Mercy is infinite!  He WANTS us to swim in His mercy!  that doesn’t mean that there isn’t more going on behind the scenes that may necessitate different responses than swift and miraculous mercy, but the idea that God has some kind of ‘miracle quota’ is a little bit preposterous.  or a lot of bit.

But finally–and this is the one that I’ve really been meditating on…  was simply this.  What human EVER has the right to suggest that suffering, disease, death, pain, sorrow, loss, agony, of any kind is deserved by another for having ‘brought it on themselves’!?  
What human is exempt from complicity in the broken condition under which we all suffer!?

in other words…

Who *HASN’T* ‘brought it on themselves’ !?

All these little things we say about people bringing it on themselves and ‘kharma’s a b*tch’ and ‘what goes around comes around’ etc etc are all excused we find to guard our hearts from feeling, [gasp] empathy!  

Yes, it’s true that there is cause and effect.  and all of our actions–whether we recognize it or not–have effects.  And the fact that 100% of humanity is complicit in the suffering and death and agony of the broken condition is by no means an excuse to then live frivolously and “sin more that grace may increase” *, but instead, is a recognition that should spur us into compassion.

The reality that ‘this person’s actions’ are more obvious to us as having a cause and effect relationship with his or her suffering does not negate the reality that without God’s grace, the suffering we see in “this person” and much more would be ours as well.

^pictured above-an artists rendering of Job 42:1-6^

you see…
the idea that anyone deserves ‘their suffering’ and ‘we’ don’t—because we haven’t taken the same actions as they have or whatnot… it complete rubbish.  There’s no place for justifying passivity and inaction with self-righteousness.  

Without the provisional grace of God Every. Single. Moment….  our lives–by our own making, would be nothing but chaos and ruin, isolation, loneliness, disease, famine, death, and destruction.  It is what we all “deserve”.

So since we’re all–every one of us–swimming in mercy, I am invited to “approach the throne of grace with confidence” ** and plead for His mercy on every one of His creation.  I am called to have compassion recognizing that we are all alike in our broken need of Him. 

And I am called to gratitude for every breath that I take—and the recognition that “every good and perfect gift” is from Him. ***

*Romans 6:1
**Hebrews 4:16
***James 1:17

Parent

I’ve already given up my life… So for lent this year, one of the things I’ve chosen to do is to re-engage with this blog.  I’m hoping that this will translate into a better long term habit!

I have an amazing daughter, who is straddling the line between toddler and preschooler.  She has the intelligence of a preschooler, and waffles between toddler and preschooler when it comes to her emotional comprehension.  When it comes to compassion and empathy, she’s a preschooler.  When it comes to not getting her own way, there’s still a lot of toddler there…  the understanding and reasoning that preschoolers grasp are just a little bit beyond her as her world caves in and she grows increasingly convinced that Mama doesn’t love her.

She teaches me about my relationship with God every day.

When I regress to “toddler” state… it’s nearly always because I don’t get my way.
I don’t think I need to add much to that.  That’s a pretty hefty conviction on its own.

I want to parent her the way God parents me.  Sometimes He has a course set out for me, and He’s excited for me to step into this thing that He knows I will love and to see my delight in it, but I’ve got my mind made up that I HAVE to go “this way”.

When this happens with my daughter, I have a lot of choices.  I may have this great plan for her that involves her favorite things, but she’s intent on doing THIS thing.  Now, provided that “this thing” isn’t dangerous to her, I have the choice to allow her to engage in “this thing”, or to argue with her about why the other thing is better, or pick her up and force her into the “fun” thing, knowing that once she’s there, she’ll be happy with it.

I’ve done all of the above.  I took her to playland before her 3rd birthday this year, and she was so excited to try a ride!  But when she found out Mama wasn’t allowed on the ride she had chosen, she didn’t want to try the ride after all.  After going on the 2 rides we could do together waaaay too many times, I decided she was going to try a ride all by herself.  She was clearly adventurous with the other rides, and I knew she could handle it.  So I explained to her that I was going to put her on the ride, and (with the blessing of the ride operator) assured her that if she still wanted to come off after the ride had started, we would stop it immediately and take her off.

I must have looked like the most twisted cruel parent in the world as I forcibly strapped my daughter into the motorcycle seat that she had soooo wanted to ride at the beginning of the day.  The ride operator looked at me as if she was unsure whether she should call child protective services or flip the ride switch.  My daughter screamed like the world was ending for the 12 seconds it took for me to clear the area so the operator could start the ride.  She flipped the switch, and mid-scream, without stopping to breathe, my child’s wail turned into giggling.  She loved it!  She had so much fun that she went on the ride 5 times in a row!  It became her favorite ride!

I’m not sure if that was the best way to do things.  I didn’t like doing it that way at the time.  But I don’t regret it either–and I think on *rare* occasions, this is how God parents me.  Sometimes, I think he pushes me outside of my comfort zone so that I have nothing left BUT to see the beauty laid out for me… Sometimes He pushes my past my fears to do the wonderful things He has called me to do.  But I think such occasions are rare, just as I think they need to be rare with my child.

More often than not, I think that when God has something else for us and we’re focused on “this thing” God allows us to pursue this thing while gently guiding us towards the better thing, until we get tired of “this thing” or His thing appeals to us more, and then we make the decision for ourselves to embrace the thing that He’s got for us.

It’s not about Him circumventing our free will and badgering us into “His way”.  It’s about the fact that He knows us, and knows what will excite our Spirit and connect with our very beings and help us step into the people we were created to be, and fill our hearts with the deepest of Joy.  So He lays these things out for us, and then helps us to catch sight of these things.. to understand what they really are—and at that point WE DECIDE to follow Him there.

This is how I want to parent my child.  I want her to make the decision herself.  This morning she was intent on doing something that I know she actually hates.  So I kept on offering her the other option, while helping her to get ready to do the thing she hates (go in a shower–she hates the water falling directly on her head) and then just as she was about to step into the shower, she decided for herself that she wanted to do the other option i’d laid out for her.  And after this encounter I mused about God’s parenting, and how I think, ultimately, this really is how God parents us almost all the time.  He sets parametres that keeps us ultimately safe, he goads and prompts, encourages, chides, and ordains things for us, but despite being omnipotent, doesn’t exert control or force on us.  He beckons us into choice!

And if the God of the universe doesn’t need to flex to show His children who is in control…  Why should I ever feel that need!?

A Smashing Christmas Season

Simultaneously reluctant and in a hurry as I approached my car which was about to transport me to an appointment I was worried I’d be late for and didn’t really want to go to anyways, I arrived at my car, popped the trunk, and dropped my things inside.  As I closed the trunk, I heard the familiar satisfying soft thud of the airtight seal closing, accompanied by what sounded like the tinkling of a chandelier.
That’s odd… I thought to myself.
I flipped the switchblade style key open and opened my driver’s door and was horrified to see that my soft grey upholstery on my passenger seat was glinting with little greenish gems… Fear, anger, anxiety, and helplessness overwhelmed me as it hit me with unrelenting clarity: My car was broken into—and my purse was gone.

Knowing that my purse would have been a pretty disappointing trophy to even the pettiest of robbers, I half-heartedly searched the parking lot and surrounding wooded area in hopes of finding the worthless-to-him bag of invaluable-to-me items discarded.

I was not so lucky.
I’ve always been the sort of person who tries to see the humanity in the people who have wronged me—tries to understand what would drive a person to commit hurtful acts.  I reasoned that this individual was desperate and maybe just trying to provide a Christmas for his family.  Call me sexist, but I consider my burgler to be male, for the simple reason that I’ve yet to meet very many females who possess the strength and resourcefulness to smash a car window and make off with a purse and book of CD’s in a matter of 20 minutes…
After a couple of kind souls helped me to scrape glass out of the window frame and off my seat, and rig up a garbage bag-duct tape window, I drove my car down to the glass shop, where I learned that this activity skyrockets during the month of December.

So I’ve been reflecting on a few things.  This unfortunate robber made off with a book of CD’s that are unlikely to appeal to the sort of character perpetrating a robbery—10 children’s DVD’s, and a purse that contains no credit cards, 12 cents in change, and a 10 dollar food voucher that he would have to sign for if he even attempted to use it in the first place, and nothing else—of any value to him.  I, however, have lost my ID, my bank cards, my apartment keys, and of course the window itself.  As I’ve gone about attempting to secure accounts and replace what was lost so I can continue paying my bills, the totality of what I have lost keeps clicking in front of my eyes like an abacus on steroids…  The apartment keys, due to the keyless entry security that we have, cost about 400 to replace.  The window is about 200.  The license is 30 to replace… and I have to wait for about a month to even get an appointment thanks to the Christmas season. In the meantime, I cannot drive, which is an essential component of my job.  In order to renew my license I have to pay my overdue toll bill… which I need to work in order to raise the money to pay.
For the profit of 12 cents, some CD’s and a food voucher, this individual has essentially robbed me of my home, my job, income, etc.
so I’ve been mulling over what would drive a person to do something like this.  And I’ve decided that desperation or not… It’s an egregiously selfish act.  I mean really, what was he hoping for?  Maybe 200 bucks cash?  I don’t expect a smash and grab burgler to be the best at making calculations, considering the cost-benefit analysis of perpetrating such a crime in the first place, but I would expect that even such a petty thief would have the street smarts to recognize that a person who drives the sort of car he was about to smash isn’t the sort of person who has credit cards with high limits, or gobs of cash—and since my purse was out of sight, my bet would be that he was going for the CD’s and was “lucky” to find the purse down there beside them.  So at best, he’s hoping for a 200 dollar profit from his crime.  And for that he’s willing to cost me a minimum of the same to replace the window (not to mention whatever I’d lose to his theft) and in reality, all of what I’ve just described…

This is the epitome of greed.  The epitome of selfishness.  My need is worth more than you or your life or how this will affect you, so I am smashing your window and taking what I want.  And Christmas is when this crime becomes the most rampant?  Smash and Grabs are most prevalent at Christmas?  Hardly the season of peace and love and all that jazz that I’ve been hearing about.

But lets face it this attitude is prevalent ALL OVER at Christmas season!  It’s the same attitude that drove someone to smash my window, that drives people to trample one another in store entrance on Black Friday.

>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOVD-m8urJU <<

 It’s the same greed that turns roadways into parking lots and parking lots into case studies for roadrage.  The same selfishness that snatches the last turkey out of the grocery store because you’re sure that you need it more than the woman who was racing you for it.  The same greed that has my nephew screaming and throwing his present back at the tree when he finds out it’s not the superhero he wanted, or compels… (impels?) children to write lists as long as a roll of toilet paper to santa about all the toys they want for Christmas.
It’s the very reason we all swoon when we hear about children who tell santa they want him to bring something to all the poor children or they want him to give their little sister the doll she’s always wanted, etc etc etc.   These things makes us swoon because the *break* the norm.  Because in the midst of frantically scrambling for our needs and pushing our way to the front of lines, we paused for a moment to realize deep down that the unselfishness of that child is somehow better.  That unselfishness…  actually getting to the point of putting others ahead of ourselves…  well that’s actually approaching something we *say* Christmas is all about…  that’s what LOVE is, isn’t it?

Let me tell you what else happened after I found my car window smashed.  Two men sacrificed their own needs/wants to come to my aid.  Men who had just come from working out and weren’t dressed for the cold spent 45 minutes in the cold, helping to look for the robber and/or my purse, helping to clean the glass out of the door and my seat, helping to rig up a temporary window covering, and brushing the glass away from my tires so that I wouldn’t also have a flat tire to boot.  Just want to re-iterate that… 45 minutes.  I’m sure they had places to go and other things to do.  They sacrificed their schedule comfort, and probably got a cut or two in the process.  Another woman gave me 45 dollars “towards the deductible”.  These people gave of themselves for no other reason than to help me.  Now I don’t want to be overly-sentimental like some nickelodeon kid’s Christmas movie and start attributing their kindness to the magic of Christmas. . .  But here’s where I DO see a connection between their actions of love and Christmas.  If this world is awful and helpless on its own, and this baby changes everything… then these pictures of unselfishness and love… they WOULD be gems in the midst of the mire of selfishness, wouldn’t they?  I mean, everything we’ve looked at so far…   despair, chaos, and now selfishness— these seem to be the norm…  but is there really anyone who doesn’t LOVE and LONG for the idea of hope, peace, and love instead?