I was feeling quite justified in my frustration at another individual tonight. Somehow i slipped into that familiar old belief that if you can figure out why everything is someone else’s fault and establish that you are right and they are wrong, this will somehow stop the hurt that’s underneath everything.
and it does… at LEAST… temporarily diminish the pain… or my experience of it anyways, because i’m busy channeling my negative emotion into a sort of “bitterness” and attack that only I can feel anyways. #fruitless.
but at least I am feeling vindicated.
and then I get on twitter…
and CSLewisDaily nails me right between the eyes.
this is the quote from them today right at the top of my twitter feed.
“If they are wrong they need your prayers all the more & if they are your enemies, you are under orders to pray for them”
and I went…
and so now i’m sitting here writing this… and still haven’t prayed. Suppose I’d better lay down some of this pride and summon the courage to pray for them.
I don’t want to..
cuz I kind of suspect that My Father, in his perfect justice…
well He might just decide to show me where I was wrong too. and He might remind me that “vengeance is [His]” (Romans 12:19) . . .
He might remind me that I have to relinquish my right to vindication, and be responsible for how I behave.