Why is it, that even when we can recognize how and why things affect us the way that they do, we are still so affected by them?
I submit that when the fact that we have been built for relationship bumps up against our intrinsic sense that we each have value, we have an internal conflict that can cause us to doubt the validity of both.
So I have, over the past few days, mused about the sense of value that may give rise to feelings of inferiority and and superiority…
Today, I have to admit that I am not without these same struggles.
I realized that the value others place on me (or don’t, for that matter) really impacts me. When I feel misunderstood, marginalized, condescended to, or in other ways feel that I’ve received a message that undermines the value of the things about which I am most passionate, I whirl into an egocentric mindset.
suddenly everything is about me. Every comment, every chuckle and laugh, every disapproval, every approval… Every sentiment that i observe is a direct comment on how that person values me. “everything” is against me.
So even though you may not have been the person who first made me feel like you think i am worthless, suddenly something that would not otherwise bother me in the least, (like maybe you don’t have time to stop and chat for a moment when we pass eachother by random chance) becomes a comment on the value you place on me and on our relationship.
You’re too busy to say hi, so I infer that it’s actually because you don’t think i’m worth taking a few extra seconds to talk to. Our relationship isn’t important enough to you.
How ridiculous this is!
Usually I recognize this absurdity and can remember who I am and what really matters pretty quickly… but it is striking to me, that whether it lasts for a millisecond or a month…. this reaction shows that the relational component of who we are is very linked to our sense of created value.
How we relate to eachother has a significant impact on how we understand that value that God has built within us.
So there is, therefore, a responsibility on us all to treat eachother with dignity and respect in all situations, including in times of conflict and wounding.
And there is a responsibility within each of us, to take captive our thoughts and be humble enough to admit that we need God to remind us of who we are. Our internal sense goes only so far… We need his gentle encouragement and strong support. We need Him to remind us that it’s NOT all about “me”!
It’s not all about me.
Suddenly my value comes into perspective when I realize that it’s all about God.
I’m created with value, because I am created to reflect God. I have a purpose to worship, glorify, serve and honour Him. I’m created to love and be loved! I am created to have meaningful relationships. I am created to worship.
And in this very moment of sitting and writing, as my heart is stirred into worship,
“It’s all about you, Jesus, And all this is for you, for your glory and your fame,
It’s not about me, as if you should do things my way
You alone are God, and I surrender to Your ways”
chorusing through my heart.
In this moment, I feel the wounding washing away as my pride reluctantly bows to the only One deserving of my pride and boasting.
It’s ALL about You, Jesus!