So here we are… about halfway through lent… and the process of giving things up to reflect on the sacrifice of our Savior.
This week has been one where I’ve been feeling discouraged, and tempted to “give-up” in a rather different manner of speaking. Once again, discouragement gives way to the temptation to “give up” on my lenten commitments.
Ironically-I’m tempted to “give up” on “giving up”
So I trudge from my work at the computer over to another activity that holds even less appeal… noticing my hunger, and feeling too despondent and lazy to bother with making lunch. I was immediately tempted to give up on my lenten commitment to give up on junk food.
“Who cares?” was my unassailable reasoning. “What does it matter anyways?”
Then, like an unkind mother metaphorically kicking her daughter’s ass, another part of my mind scathingly queried, “and what do you think would have happened if Jesus gave up on His sacrifice?”
And, much like I would have years in the past, I withdrew into a morose heap. But in that heap, a beautiful sort of reflection began.
I’m giving up tasty snacks.
wow… what a great sacrifice!
Jesus gave up heaven!
so maybe my palate for something both savory and crunchy goes unsatisfied for couple extra days. It’s not like that’s anything new anyways… I don’t often have junk food anyways… it’s the mere fact that I can’t that gives rise to the desire to.
and my frustration at life right now makes me want to throw in the towel and have some junk food. “It’s too hard. everything else sucks, can’t i just have a freakin’ cheetoh!? what would that matter, really!? no one would know..”
I suppose I can’t really write that no one would know right after writing that my Jesus never loses sight of any of us, hmm?
and it’s not even for Him that I do this… that I want to maintain my commitment… but for me… for my ability to enter in to this part of Christ’s life and suffering for me, in this small, even perfunctory manner.
I missed my crunchy snacks… I wondered today what sorts of “little things” heaven might have had that Jesus must have missed. I mean obviously there would be the big things… the difference between a place of co-operation, celebration, joy, peace, love, unbroken relationship… and a place of self-determination, envy, grief, strife, lust, and broken relationships…
But i wonder what little things he might have missed.
What if he decided that he could no longer stand the grief and sorrow of this world, and “just for a minute”… “just this once” decided to give up on giving up heaven. what if.. just for an instant, he had decided that he didn’t care about the ramifications and stopped living human… just long enough to remember what it felt like to be surrounded by immeasurable love? just long enough to get out of the chaos of broken flesh… to exit the agony of decaying body?
What would the impact have been if, for even an instant, he gave up?