How am I supposed to fly with broken wings?
Why do you insist on tearing them off?
It’s the little betrayals that hurt so much. The little things, where it seems like deliberate action has been taken to prevent flight.
Are you afraid that if I can fly, I will fly higher than you?
Are you afraid that I will fly away?
What IS it that makes us insist on bringing one another down?
Is it that we are afraid of being out-shone? so what? what if we are? What if he is better at this, or she is smarter in this area, or he does achieve greater things?
is it that this fear-of being outshone-is actually more about going unnoticed? fading into the background, and being unnoticed?
Today I am feeling the sting of betrayal and wounded.
And so now, I wonder… how often have I inflicted the same sorts of wounds on other, out of fear that they may surpass me in some way?
Why is it that pride can motivate such hateful actions? And Now I’m starting to wonder… is pride really just another mask that fear wears? Are we… have I been… am I…deep down… afraid, that if I am humble, I may cease to have value?
If I am not the best-can I still be good? Is that the base question that causes the fear that gives rise to pride? Because intrinsically, somewhere inside there, we KNOW that the answer is yes… that our worth comes from more than that… and we want to defend our worth? We need to be known… we need our worth to be recognized by others—this is actually a healthy thing, not a needy thing… it’s a relational thing. And being relational, is exactly the way that we were created.
I have a few relationships that have shown me the beauty of being known well and loved well. In these relationships, the flight of one another is truly celebrated. I want her to be the best she can be, and i recognize that that means she will inevitably surpass me… and I’m thrilled when I see it happening!
And he can do something that I will never be able to… and I want the world to enjoy the gift!
And she legitimately creates space for others to flourish and encourages them out into it…
Jesus legitimately wants us to flourish.
So in my wounding, I withdraw to him tonight, trusting that he can piece together my broken wings.